“I have 2 hearts” Poem by Laura Custode

“The Shitty Friend” by Anonymous

May be a harsh title but we all have those people in our life, the friends that come and go when it is most convenient for them. In my case, I have 2 of them. The first one is the one most people can relate too; the one who gets a boyfriend.

The friend who gets a boyfriend and you never see.

It’s probably not a good response when someone gets a boyfriend and you start to cry. But in this case, I knew that I would never see my friend again and that was true. Some background information is my friend starting dating someone who unfortunately didn’t think the best of me so already off the start it was not a good situation. Despite this, I tried my best. At this time I considered this friend my best friend so I would text them the same, ask them to hang out often, but it was not reciprocating. Soon, the texts, and plans were getting less and even invites to special events like graduation I would be left out of. It was tough and I still struggle with it. We are still on good terms and I see this friend about once or twice a year now but its crazy how you go from talking every single day to not at all. To be honest, I don’t even know if my friend knows how this impacted me and thinks that we just slowly lost contact. It’s hard for me to see when they put in effort with other people when I tried so hard and got none.

The friend who is finding herself.

This is an odd one. I never had experience with this till recently but here is the story. I supported this friend even when none of their other friends would (friends they had long before I was around). I would help this friend in any way possible by going to events, sharing a Facebook posts and always being down for a coffee date, but one day that changed. This friend decided that me supporting her was not what she wanted and decided to go back to the negativity and jealously that they shared with another friend group. This other friend group were not all bad, I have even be-friended some of them but the tough part was hearing how much hurt they had cause my friend. It made no sense to me why this friend would continue these friendships. This friend has completely disappeared in my life. I never hear from them, they never return texts, phone calls, etc. No reason why this happed but all of a sudden we weren’t friends.

Life is strange in this way. We invest so much in people and lots of time you get hurt but this is what I have learnt. Become best friends with your sibling(s), they are the ones that you will see every holiday and the ones that will be there for you through thick and thin. As well, call your parents. They love you and now at an older age you can develop a different relationship with your parents and in a way become friends. Another thing, the people you want in your life will stick around. Despite what saying above I wasn’t a good fit for these people either because I didn’t stick around. As selfish as this sounds, focus on you, do what makes you happy, and be kind. If you do that, things will fall into place, and that’s what I truly believe.

Anonymous Submission About Cheating and Emotional Abuse

Does love even exist?

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been under the impression that when I grew up I would find that one man to make me happy and keep me safe and make me feel like a literal princess. Now that I am an adult I now am led to believe that this man doesn’t exist and I will never find him. Convincing yourself that this is the reality you live with is one of the most damaging things you can convince yourself of. And I have unfortunately not only convinced myself that the “perfect” man doesn’t exist, I’ve convinced myself that it is impossible for anyone to love me.
In high school I had small relationships, none that lasted or were serious. But it was my first taste of heart break. I was cheated on by someone who told me they loved me and I let him convince me that cheating wasn’t as bad as I knew it was. This was the first time I have felt like less of a human at the hands of another.
Once I reached university I was in my first serious long term relationship with someone who was significantly older than me. He made me feel wanted, safe, and made me happy when we were together. However, as the relationship went on, red flags kept popping up. Since I wasn’t legal at the time, he would go out to bars and not let me know how his night was going or who he with or what he was doing. I was nothing more than a ride home to him on the nights when he was out.
About 9 months into our relationship my entire world came crashing down on me. He had gone behind my back and I was once again cheated on. This time by someone I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The entire time I was hearing what had happened is a blur in my brain. I remember being so hysterically upset that there was absolutely no use in trying to console me or trying to calm me down. I had never felt so betrayed in my entire life.
The next day was when I told him I was in love with him. He didn’t say anything in return, just stared ahead blankly, drove me home and kissed me goodbye. When we saw each other next, he told me I was moving to fast and it was time for us to separate. We didn’t have an official title on each other for months. This was when my destructive behaviour began, and this is when my belief that I am unlovable came from.
I had my time with some boys. Every time I had let them in, get to know me and my quirks and gave them all the trust I had in the world. Only to once again be let down and told “I wasn’t right for them at the time” or “they weren’t sure what they wanted”. After 2 rejections from boys who I thought were serious about me, I turned back to my old love. We decided we missed each other and wanted to give it another shot.
This was a mistake I now have to live with. Things were fine for a couple weeks, then the red flags popped up again. We would go weeks without seeing each other and when we did it was only about being intimate.
Finally, after all my messages were ignored for 2 days, I ended it once and for all.
Though I was able to get out of the relationship I was in with a mentally abusive cheater, I still am led to believe that I am not ever going to find anyone that made me feel the way he once did.
His silence in return for my love made me feel like I could only ever give people my whole heart, for absolutely nothing in return.

The only constant thing I’ve ever had in my life is my best friend. If I didn’t have her I honestly don’t know if I would be able to smile at the little things, I don’t even know if I would be alive. I owe her my world and I don’t even think she realizes how much she makes me feel loved, even if no one else is able to make me feel it. I can’t reiterate enough how much love I feel from her, and even though I don’t believe entirely in romantic love, she reminds me that love comes in many different ways.
I’m still mending from the countless amount of heartbreak I’ve had to endure, and I know it will be a very long time before I feel like myself again. And I know it will be even longer until I’m able to believe the fact that I am lovable and do deserve love. But until then, I know that my mental health and my self love needs to flourish. I have amazing friends and family that I know support me no matter what. I just need to learn to believe that I am able to be loved and that love does exist. Because right now I find it hard to believe that it is. But deep in my heart I want nothing more than to find someone who deserves every little piece of me, no matter how broken the pieces of me may be.